Psychonaut in a Public Mystery school

I watched a Youtube video which suggested that Greek mythology called earth Gaia–a living organism. The idea that entire existence including all matter is living consciousness is very near to reality. I found resonance with the idea that earth is actually a vessel of light ascending into the fifth dimension from the viewpoint of all of us who are ascending from third-fourth to the fifth dimension. Treating Gaia as a living spaceship makes us both astronauts and psychonauts. The latter term has been taken from The Tibetan Book of The Dead. I perceived Gaia’s space curvature first in 2012 when under the influence of a substance. It clearly seemed I was in the space on a curved earth. Now as 2016 and dark night of soul started I constantly found solace in the idea of being on a spaceship or in a lab which was a simulation of my previous environments. The idea indeed came from Science-fiction films I had watched before still its resonance was strikingly brilliant and comforting now. People around me, my family members, neighbors, animals, birds and even remote ambulances seemed simulated. They all had an air of unreality about them and they were all extremely fluid and deeply associated with my feelings, thoughts and perceptions.

There is no doubt having read about Vedanta and spirituality for long and having meditated I used to perceive that  my environment seemed beautiful, gleeful, dark or gloomy based on my feelings. But now every single reaction was reflected in the mirror of environment immediately in form of echoes by people, animals, vehicles and birds(even clouds, weather etc too) It went like this: if I had a negative self-talk immediately vehement noises supporting it will start echoing from surroundings. A mother might be shouting at her daughter for her negligence but it will seem that she is addressing me and it was apparently absorbed by me because I felt one with everything( I still do but having achieved a sort of mind-isolation I now practice things which feel positive instead of exposing myself freely to the environment(whims of my instincts))

Another example will be: someone shouting at a dog or cow. It always seemed that they were scolding me in some way. My mind became ultra sensitive and lost all distinctions of gender, form, personality or being. If someone exalted a god in worship I considered myself to be the one exalted but then negative instincts made me shudder at the idea of considering myself so and so. If someone killed a mosquito or cursed it I immediately used to take the curse and considered myself to be the mosquito.

I was not aware that I was moving into the fifth dimensional earth and nondualistic unaccustomed consciousness I had was tainted with remnant unconsciousness from third and fourth dimensions. Amidst all this noise remembering my spiritual friends or masters and being able to observe beauty, stillness and life filled me with a supreme bliss which I had never felt before. The depth of light which enters through the wounds is always super intense though quality is same. Light is your everyday feeling of being. It doesn’t change whether you sleep, dream, wake-up or move between dimensions and it’s eternal because you’re light. Rediscovering yourself means finding yourself again after having forgotten yourself by becoming associated with all objects of consciousness. Usually a third dimensional awareness associates itself with body-mind and its possessions based on fear but when you grow in consciousness and become more aware your horizon of witnessing extends–then every pain is your pain and every suffering is your suffering–you become totally responsible for entire universe(s). In such a situation it’s better to have a healthy body and mind which can control its projections. A weak and obtuse body and mind in the fifth dimension is very likely to feel alienated and repressed. Since now consciousness is one with everything and body-mind have still to undergo a purification process it’s bound to be a kind of torture for them because of shame, guilt and memories which aren’t actually your own.

Until I caught a corner here in this room I neither had ability to stay calm, nor could I reflect clearly back at what had happened in those few months which was so radically trans-formative.  Now I feel it might responsibility to take care of my body, mind and surroundings by being and becoming positive and calm. You may say that Thanatos ruled for a while and now Eros does. 

If you’ve courage to die you find life but being unable to leave body at will is a hindrance in my opinion. I never felt like learning art of leaving body at will and it seemed like a handicap in times of high energy crisis during dark night of soul. I had to take it all on my body. We shall talk about my tryst with evil spirits later.

The public school where I went to teach was a beautiful place which gave me some great lessons of Yoga and Zen. Since I was not able to retain memories for long I used to write down a few things( again Christopher Nolan’s Memento had such a great impact on my thinking in college days and now Interstellar gave me some great ideas about fifth dimension as I re watched it carefully) I wanted to teach because I wanted to feel public contact. I thought I had reached end of the knowledge and vacuum of void used to pull me in deeply. I had no urge of living left in me and I had witnessed many miracles to consider that I was on the right path and indeed something extraordinary had happened to me. Now having understood ‘natural state’ of being to be able to freely interact in society and yet maintain one’s calm state of equilibrium I wanted to experiment with Truth. I had always avoided people, gatherings, social ceremonies and such because they seemed to soak my energy since early childhood. Even as I grew up I preferred company of myself, a friend or two and if possible some young kids. Authority figures always repelled me and feminine always attracted me. Now it was time to face the music since I considered myself fully enlightened. I decided to do all those things which I avoided especially with  a focus upon helping people. It began on its own as some divine beings came using vehicles of my relatives. The excuse was the illness of a young girl and at that time I was convinced that whatever I said happened–I tried to heal her with loving care and it did happen. At the same time I was waiting for my ascension too. As I went to the hospital and saw so many suffering people I also observed love they and their relatives had for themselves and each other. I intended to heal all of them by power of will and witnessing and spoke to a lady.

I didn’t realize that this entire game was for my further awakening and purification because in the same night as I was on roof waiting for ascension with lord Krishna I found that my neighbor was entering some devices inside my body–that made me feel strange. Though I was in a deep trance and in acceptance of what was happening–the knives which entered in my spine and body seemed too painful; as if I was disowning my body and dying. Though I had realized there was no death for me–the pain was too much to bear. As I came down and witnessed purification I felt immense shock of unbearable proportions to my head and the same beings who were possessing those three bodies communicated to me using thought transference that I was nothing and that war between good and evil had to happen as I had read before in various conspiracy theories. This immense blow to my head was first of many-to-come in the near future and so intense that it made me feel darkness, depression and despair of whole humanity. I let death processes overtake me later on and realized how it might have felt when master Jesus gave himself for the sins of humanity. Surprisingly I didn’t die and found that beings using the bodies of my neighbor became time lords and stayed with me for a while guiding me a bit but mostly leaving me free to will and free to choose my own destiny. My realizations became even more deeper as miracles kept happening. 

The interval between my joining the public school to teach and the events above might be considered to be the time when I traversed through hellish and ghostly realms.I will jump to public school now as I have created a background about my intentions to join it. I wanted to pay my dues imagining by doing so I will get complete liberation as it will be fulfillment of my destiny. I had seen horrors of roaming into wilderness during the dark night of the soul and thought that now I could restart as a good member of society by teaching kids in a school. As I joined the school I felt very good. For first day it seemed I was an avatar as depicted in movie Avatar by David Cameron and in Hindu mythology. The consciousness was already so expanded that it seemed to be an upgraded version of the game where some points were to be earned by doing some good spontaneous deeds and some drama was ongoing. Little did I realize that game had depths beyond what I had imagined.

As days progressed I met beautiful people and introduced myself. I started saying yes to everything with a positive vibrancy and everything seemed like heaven. I even had delusion that school was solely created for teaching me some basics of new environment. This premise was based on assumption that everyone else was more evolved than I was and it was indeed the case if a fourth dimensional being was entering into a fifth dimensional school(but how would you know if nobody clearly answers about anything and everything is left on your understanding?) Being old school I deprived myself of basic respect and compromised at every step. I bowed down to every staff member, kid and family member. What did it do? In a few days the delusion that I was an avatara went away and another delusion came that I was not prepared enough to teach. The usual ‘it was all happening to me’ and ‘everything is interconnected’ kept happening without any break at school and at home(which was also school because I failed to understand when one school stopped and other began!) I was also supposed to prepare for competitive exam to secure a government job which was strictly against my understanding since i had realized that you really didn’t need to work to feed your body-mind if you were not ambitious. Energy balances everything out and your being what you are is a blessing to everyone if you die to your body, mind and universe. Still I accepted the challenge and struggled for many days.

After a few days as I started preparing for teaching kids I realized that spending time on reading books made me capable of having a better time in class but then new problem arose–it was of ‘discipline.’ I realized that I could neither shout at students nor beat them using hands or cane as other teachers did and somehow they all respected other teachers even if they were new. Why was it happening to me?

After a few days the noises became overwhelming and since I was bound by Karma vows I couldn’t just quit job. In all the jobs I did before i was never shown way out–some mental problem or problem with self-esteem made me leave jobs on my own and finally I decided to live like a self-styled monk who works only to enlighten himself and by his presence helps others. As noises kept increasing and all means failed I realized that they were all perfected beings–not just teachers but all students as well! A staff member gave me a shock by telling about a name which was related to my previous history of living like a monk who was carefree–it made me greatly anxious and all joy of being an avatara or even a respected citizen who wanted to earn his living went away in a flicker of a second. I somehow collected myself and started to witness play of my instincts depicted beautifully on screen of school in various colors by perfected masters who wanted to purge me and purify me. Was it a purgatory, a hell, a heaven, a Zen school –I don’t know because on different days it seemed different and weather also kept playing tricks showing my union with a twin flame or many. It was mostly shame and guilt which purged me because I was unable to fulfill things. All of those people–maybe 400 or more could read every thought of mine when I was among them. And everything I did at home or school was reflected immediately. There was no ‘privacy’ left whatsoever in any way. Students made noise in the class and every thought I had in mind made noise grow stronger. The staff members will come immediately and tell me to control it and if a negative reaction arose in my mind immediately either students will start quarreling with each other or a staff member will beat them. I was never harassed physically as my given identity was that of teacher–an adult of 31 years of age but mentally I felt like a new born whose birthday was celebrated everyday. Every kid was able to read my thoughts and seemed sharper than me–what was I doing there? What could I possibly teach them? They were teaching me. 

Then tests became even more stringent. i could tell nobody about my experiences even at home because nobody believed me for gave me feedback in the 3rd-4th dimensional language. I felt like a toiling alienated slave at home and like a laughable joker in school. I did appreciate nature, beauty, bliss and being more than ever before and deeper realization of all teachings of masters started happening to me. I had to keep my mind completely quiet to keep students and teachers at bay. Most of the times I was writing on board because that was the only thing which could keep my mind quiet. Students didn’t appreciate that but that at least kept me engaged and kept noises down. If I were to teach them verbally they would never listen and noises would draw another teacher or principal. Then subtle manipulation by various teachers started happening. You may call it fourth dimensional magic. They all were more advanced than me and a cabal of masters well organized. One teacher will criticize another and I was supposed to overlook it because I knew that participating in criticism will lead to negative evolution and repercussions and not participating will make me look like antagonistic to the one who was doing it. This was a problem I had been facing since third dimensional existence. My utter honesty and lack of diplomacy regarding these matters now became a matter of question of life and death. for example–my sibling took some money from me to buy a substance he is addicted to and I told about it in a friendly manner to my father. I thought I was living in the truth realm universe now and it was alright to do so–this created a great drama and it pulled me in so heavily that I had to cry and learn lesson of dumbfounded wisdom.

Then lessons about spaces began. I realized that spaces were illusory. Too many spirits lived in a small space and what I had previously considered names and spaces were no longer valid. All turns on road meant something and I entered into a different realm if I took a different turn based on whether it was timely, l;ate, with or without good intentions. Where was I? Was I living with family members? No. The illusion was long gone. I firmly used to tell myself that I am new every moment and the people I meet are holograms of identities I used to perceive as my family–that I was traversing through infinite multiverses every single day! Everyone did something which reminded me of all painful memories especially since I entered the void under the illusion of complete enlightenment. There was no escape. The school which was beautiful and showed some of the most magnificently magical themes became a nightmare where I could not even lift my neck up as all kids and teachers used me as a scapegoat and plaything. But it was all a lesson–karmic or otherwise. Absolutely there is no individual Karma because there are no individuals but the lesson was needed for my further entry into the void. Now as I look back I better appreciate Karma and meditation. Had I been chanting a simple mantra to keep myself one-pointed or had I been present totally without rushing for anything many nightmares could have been avoided but everything happened to prepare this vessel and for the best. There are infinite mysteries in the void–both dark and light and I encountered a few. The secret initiations and vase empowerment kept happening because here in the void you are own master and your past present and future is apparently and totally and without any doubts depends on your choices and alignment with the whole. These articles omit certain details which might make readers uncomfortable for their own good but they do paint a picture which heals the wisdom re collective personality borne out of love of absolute of these author  and I do believe they heal all of us and bring in more light. Thank you for being with me on this journey. Thank you.  

image courtesy: here

Death and Rebirth!

You die every moment to be reborn,

The threads of memory are sewn into a rag,

Which seems like a continuous persona,

The threads are hollow and so is the rag which you carry around shoulders,

The real you is born every moment and Now is its mantra,

There is no tantra vaster than that of memories, fears, worries and expectations,

If you clasp the rock-solid reality it slips through, Continue reading “Death and Rebirth!”

The Time Traveler’s Wife(2009)

This is an incredibly beautiful film and its beauty lies in the fact that even when the title suggests about time travel being a key theme in it–it isn’t. Well, not in a technical sense at least. It’s honest with its title because when the movie completes you realize well that it’s the wife who is the anchor because the man lacks a stable personality–he’s but a shadow–appears and disappears randomly–no reason or rhyme–no sequence or closing of loops–no altering of events or time-lines either as seen in so many time travel movies. Continue reading “The Time Traveler’s Wife(2009)”

False is Mysterious!

winter-sunset

“Greatest truth are simplest, like your very own existence…” said Swami Vivekananda. In my childhood I was very fascinated by the mysterious. Somehow I used to equate mysterious with the divine. Now I feel opposite is the truth. Many people think that spiritual must be esoteric and enigmatic. It must be mysterious and it’s true that mysterious attracts your mind because it’s the stuff mind is made of. Mind, ego and the universe are made of falsehood-Maya. They appear to be but they aren’t that is why mind is always attracted towards mysterious and even when you look back at the things you once considered mysterious(which turned out to be simple when observed closely) you still find mind looking out for more mystery where there is none.

Mysterious might be entertaining. It might give you some superficial joy for time being because mind is made of the same stuff but it can’t be the Truth. It’s not peace. All existence is made of one truth. Only one element is and it’s simply you. But when you feel there is some greater truth out there, something mysterious and fascinating–it’s the restless wavering mind which is beguiling you because it’s made of falsehood. All mysterious is false or better say everything mysterious is so because it is false. Falsehood makes things appear mysterious. Dreams are mysterious because they are false. Universe seems infinite and mysterious as different from Self because it’s false. As Self universe is truth and it’s simply you. If magician reveals his tricks he doesn’t appear enigmatic or magnetic anymore, similarly if Maya reveals itself you stop looking for its manifestations. You are truth and simplicity.

 

A Belt, A Bride and A Court Case!

I must have been about 3 years old by then. Certain events get inscribed into your psyche and don’t leave you for long. I had so often heard about Malti aunt’s bichhua(belt ladies wear around their waists over sarees in Indian villages and towns) that I was perpetually curious about the incident. Since my studies first and job later on took me away from settings where such incidents were narrated I hardly had an opportunity to inquire about it. What was this about? What had happened which caused such discussion that a 3-year-old had a strange memory and it remained a mystery for him forever? I used to think that bichhua meant some ornament worn in feet until I came across her recently. Since my cousin’s wedding is soon going to happen she is there and I visit them often. I told her about the event and its peculiar memory I had. My relatives do express surprise that I retained a memory since such an early age. She narrated a few things which consolidated the prior memory I had.

pier-1081795_960_720 Continue reading “A Belt, A Bride and A Court Case!”

Equus(1977)

Equus is a very graphic film. It has a rare story. The writer Peter Shaffer came across a news while travelling english countryside where a stable boy had blinded six horses. He made a play out of it. This play was later adapted into a screenplay by him and Sidney Lumet directed a gripping horror mystery which keeps haunting you even long after you have finished watching it.

Continue reading “Equus(1977)”

A Lizard In A Woman’s Skin!

A young woman is accused of murdering her debauched neighbor after dreaming it. Was she set up, or did she really do it?

Lucio Fulci’s film is very Lynchian and yet it was made when David Lynch had not even learnt the transcendental meditation. The couple of dream sequences are captivating and almost surreal. The beauty with which symbolism has been embedded in them is astonishing. They striked me because I had not seen anything as beautifully filmed in a 70s film before. Then comes the chase scene which is breathtaking. It’s a fairly long scene but it hooks the audience well to the screen for its entire duration.

Continue reading “A Lizard In A Woman’s Skin!”

One Deadly Summer(1983): A Twisted Tale Of Revenge!

Note: Contains Spoilers!

What looks like an erotic drama at first has much more to it. A 19-year-old girl marries a guy who is a hardworking mechanic. It seems that girl is aimless and enjoys partying. It becomes clear after sometime that there is a sad story behind her birth and she is out there to take revenge. She has carefully chosen the family to get married into. She plans hard into taking revenge only to realize that the people who she thinks were responsible for the grave crime were not really responsible. In another sub-plot it is revealed how her foster-father became crippled. Towards the end audience comes to know that her revenge was exacted long ago by her foster-father and she was wrong in having misunderstood him in an event which led to making him crippled.

She had contrived to use her husband to take revenge and after discovering truth she crashes completely thus getting admitted into a mental hospital and that makes her husband furious. He kills the people she had planned to kill all along thus four families get destroyed in a fateful turn of events. The film has wonderful music and a great pace of execution. All performances seem natural.

image courtesy: here

Mirage(1965)

Mirage is a mystery film starring Gregory Pack and beautiful Diane Baker. The film’s action, twists and mystery is certainly not at par with best mysteries of the present day but it keeps you hooked for the first two third part. I could easily guess about the twists but kept watching till end. I feel the memory has always played the most mysterious agent in mystery films and Memento along with a few other classic mysteries are based on fallibility of human memory. I also think it was kind of trendy in that decade to use psychosomatic disorders to make intriguing thrillers!

The performances are good enough: there are only a few characters and story is pretty straightforward when looked back in the end. A person has lost all his memory of last two years and his amnesia comes at a time when many dangerous people are chasing him. He takes help from a professional detective but this detective along with his other associates are killed one by one and he keeps running from place to place. The film is in black and white so you can also watch it for nostalgia. Things are quite simple in it and you can also see how New York used to look in 1960s. I give this film 7 out of 10 as a mystery.

image courtesy: here

The Curious Case of A Dusty Bike!

There is a bike in the parking lot of my office. The bike is very silent and lonesome and very dusty. It never changes its place, as if it is permanently glued to its location. Those who park their bikes besides it, those who roam around and those who go on a mild walk after the lunch through the parking lot, along with housekeeping staff and janitors consistently observe this bike. Some of them let it slip easily into their subconscious, some of them crack a joke about it, some others wonder about it for a moment or two and some others, like me, like to speculate and wonder and write about it.  It has been there at the same place since I have been frequenting the parking lot, that is, since last 1.5 years or so. The bike is not very worn out. It’s not very old either. It seems to be a model not older than half of a decade. Continue reading “The Curious Case of A Dusty Bike!”