No More 20s!

Since it’s 14th I am officially past my birthday and safe to talk about it. There is something which makes you vulnerable on your birthday and when it’s past, you can talk freely about it. Maybe we can’t take all the adoration and pampering. I am officially into 30s club now! Bye bye 20s(**sobs**)

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Google was the first one to wish me, then my younger brother, then mom, then two more friends. So, five people wished me in total. I celebrate every day, so there was nothing special. My mom asked me about my favorite sweet(imagine that, she doesn’t know that by now!) and I told her I had none. She was busy dressing up for the engagement ceremony of my cousin–while rushing away she offered me 100/- rupees note which I declined and threw away saying that it was beneath my dignity to receive such small sums and I needed a 500/- rupees note. I have not gone out in a month or so but when I do money is needed for petrol and so on. This was it for the celebration. I counted my blessings and here is a brief summary of my entire life(story woven by ego which seems like a dream or a past life-time or someone else’s account):

2015: Decided to stay here for a while till his mother allows him. WordPress blog. Blogging university courses, Blogger’s World forum and all amazing blogger friends have made his life much busy and better. Gets rid of 20 Kg weight which he had gained in the last year. Regularly practices rhythmic breathing and meditation. A mysterious girl kind of falls in love with him, she uses her resources and friends to know more about him, and eventually finds out that he is a nutter and not worth her time. Once a mystery, always a mystery!

2014:  Comes back to home from pilgrimage as family members found about him and his mother was very ill and desperate. Tries to run away 4 times from home but fails every time-again mother. Keeps practicing meditation and writing on Blogger blog a bit. Gains a great deal of weight because he thinks that intense heat is because of hunger whereas it is because of liver dysfunction. Is drinking 10-15 litres of water in winters and starts tasting nectar as mystic fire burns away rudra-knot. It had burnt it in Dec 2013 but he comes to know about it only now.  Many visions, dreams, spiritual experiences and transformation.

2013: After having been bedridden for 6 months on psych-meds, suicidal, thanks to the reinforcement of family members resolves to do Pranayama again and gets rid of handicap in a week as his motor functions start working again. As medicines stop and regains consciousness the fire of devotion and detachment makes him overwhelmed with an urge to take renunciation. The day before he was supposed to to join for a government job-runs away to Vrindavan(a place of pilgrimage)  with just 600 rupees in his purse. Takes renunciation, does meditation and serves as much as he could. 

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2012: Intense devotion with meditation and experiments with marijuana lead to the full-blown kundalini awakening which wrecks his brain and makes him bed-ridden. Body-mind were certainly not trained for such an intense experience and there was no guru in the proximity. He undergoes great expansion of heart and gets great visions feeling presence of Krishna all around him. Before that -emotional trauma was much. The 6 months were difficult and spent in a sleep-like state and end was humiliating, struggle and handicapping. 

2011: A scurrilous piece of prose intended to serve justice to some downtrodden students causes break-up with a friend. The friend tried to take advantage of his reputation and he was also taken advantage of. Many people suffered but he suffered the most.

2010: Blogger blog. Love affair which was one-sided ends. Working hard and witnessing corporate politics is too much.

2009: Joining after a great delay and passing those training tests by cheating as was custom. Many outings, expansion of heart and love.

2008: Passing out of an engineering college with an honors degree and a job offer in hand is not good enough as IT market is hit by recession and joinings are delayed. Embarrassment forces him to join a local small firm with a meagre salary. Gaining a lot of weight and suffering from bronchitis.

2007: Regains firm faith in the word. Great peace and burning-off of Karma. Great Samadhi experiences. Enlightenment. Apparently seeds of desires have not been burnt completely. Witnessing meditation led to word and stops reading books altogether. Scores well in exams and emerges as a topper though always tried to keep a low-profile.

2006: Meditation deepens as the job-offer is received and mind is free from worries of career. It was already a gamble as he was ready to walk away anyday. Now he focuses more on meditation. 

2005: Gym and pranayama groom his personality and relieve him a bit. he had fallen in love in the second semester but he was not to blame. The girl kept taking an unusual interest in him and this platonic love which played out mostly via dreams never came to be admitted except in form of glances which were subtle.

2004: After a great torture of 6 months by parents he gets to join an engineering college. All curses have embedded deep into his psyche. He gets constant nightmares where his parents are scolding him and detachment has made him deprived of friends, fun and merriment altogether. He could have run away to take renunciation but some spiritual literature had made him convinced that ‘acceptance’ of what life offers is better than running away to jungle to meditate. The next decade or so is a complete waste from practical viewpoint and does nothing but to instill in him the faith in the divine deeper and detachment becomes more powerful. He contemplated running away from home many times during those 6 months but couldn’t muster enough courage.

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2003: Grim competition tears him apart and he gives up on it for once and for all. What has his life amounted to but a set of marksheets? Fight your ass-off whole year long to wait for those numbers printed on a colorful paper-no more! Bronchitis, ulcer, anxiety and insomnia are making him thanatosioned and he questions life. He resorts to meditation and rhythmic breathing and hears the word of God for the first time inside his body and gains great calm and sensitivity and health improves soon. He has given up competition and struggling for studies and jobs for once and for all.

2002: Studies hard and reads a lot of motivational books and gains third merit in his district. Breathing practices are on.

2001: Wastes his time on experiments with techniques to study better as simple hard work in the last year brought bad results. Gets even worse results and is scolded by parents. Plays a lot of cricket even on the mornings of exams.

2000: Very hard working and disciplined student inspires many others to study and gets first rank consistently in all internal evaluations. This also makes him vain and pride and in the finals he gets 5th rank for some mysterious reasons which are not to be known ever. 

1999: Getting first merit in district and second merit in divisional board exams has made him a local celebrity. The parents and family who have not seen better adore him and he is a darling for a while.

1998 to 1992: He slacks often in academic studies but is a voracious reader of spiritual books. He has good handwriting and is appreciated for his drawings and works hard as a fast bowler. Is athletic and organizes free-style wrestling fights in school and at home. 

1991 to 1985: Was born in a middle class family. Mostly happy early childhood as he lives in a kind of combined family and grandparents along with uncles and aunts adore him and pamper him. Gets a box full of books in his fifth year and reads many fascinating tales. Learns about the word ‘moksha‘ and wonders what it means while reading about the meeting of Nachiketa with Yama. 

 

 

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83 thoughts on “No More 20s!

    1. Thank you so much. You are always so kind and generous with your comments and appreciation. I wish you very best for blogging and life ahead. Have a great day 🙂 🙂

      Love and light ❤

      Anand 🙂

      Like

  1. Happy Birthday, Anand! No matter your age, always remain mysterious! 😉 the ladies like that…to an extent! Who thought you were a nut? Perhaps she is a bigger nut than you! 😛 everyone is silly! Silly is good, stay that way. 😀 it is what keeps one young! I am still a 20 something and intend to live it to its fullest 😀 and remain single! Hope you had a fantastic day (old man)!!! Just kidding, you are still very young!
    ❤ thebrunetteinthepinkscarf

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks TBIPS! I wonder how you managed to come out of your mysterious clique 😀 You are the girl I was talking about in the post lol 😀 ( Just joking!) Thanks for all the encouragement and I hope you live it to the fullest. 🙂

      Love and light ❤

      Anand 🙂

      Like

  2. Wow! I am impressed. I tried to do something like this once but I never got past my birth lol. You really put yourself out there.

    Welcome to your 30’s. I am 34. I appreciate being in my 30’s. I learned from the mistakes I made in my twenties so now I can make a whole host of new mistakes lol. I feel like I am still young enough to act a fool but old enough to know better!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah! That’s what–I don’t feel that it’s ‘my past.’ As I said in the post it looks like a fiction, a dream and someone else’s past or a previous lifetime 🙂 Thanks for your kind words, Karen 🙂

      Love and light ❤

      Anand 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your kind words Sarah. I was very fond of sweets in my early childhood. As I grew I became less and less fond of them. I prefer salty and sour things over sweets. More than that, a certain stoicism about foods developed in me as I kept meditating and that was effortlessly. I can name a sweet which I might like eating but honestly I don’t feel any compulsion towards any sweet or any food for that matter. Being a vegetarian, I prefer meal which is cooked recently, is hot(but not steaming hot!) and is light in moderate quantities as it is conducive to health and happiness. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I loved reading how you have grown into the person you are and am sincerely grateful to have met you here in the blogosphere. I wish you all the best in life, Anand, and am looking forward to seeing what this new year will bring to you. Sending you love, warmth and positivity! Happy belated birthday!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Anand, you’re not a nutter! You needed a big break from everything. I can totally relate. It’s good that you discovered spirituality. Fortunately, for me, I discovered it in my teens so when I feel anxious or depressed I can handle it.

    Happy Berfday, Anand!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Joy Velazco

        yes, because when you live NOW yesterday is someone else’s game, a sort of dream. That is how I feel 🙂 even a couple of months ago the person I was no longer is, so I’m free 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  5. First–I think the 30’s are often a period of intense growth and creativity–I have no doubt it will be so for you! Then–you have been through much but have worked through to a greater understanding… Of course, we’re never done with that work, but you have been present and mindful! Happy new year of your life, my friend!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dear Crystal 🙂

      Thank you so much for your visit, reading and kind words. You not only read the post but comments as well!

      Yes, life is a celebration. Have a great week ahead.

      Love and light ❤

      Anand 🙂

      Like

  6. Living is about connecting and growth, to ones self and then others… Sometimes the other way round… Only one truth.. You are not alone!!
    You are a brave and courageous soul sharing your trials and vulnerabilities…
    A blogger friend..

    Liked by 1 person

  7. My good friend, I’m so glad you shared your life story with us. Your 30s will be better – with life experience to shape good decisions but with enough youthful vigor to be energized for activity! I wish you a wonderful day and year ahead! Love and light! ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Sorry for the pain in your twenties. I know you accept that that was part of what makes you an over-comer now. May the thirties be a time of growing in relationship with God as you discover more and more truth in Him and about Him. We friends in your blogging world are deeply appreciative of you.

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  9. Pingback: My semi-autobiographical rant! | Blogger's World!

    1. LOL 😀 Thank you so much dear! Now you know we both share ‘date’ of birth 🙂 Have a great week ahead. I was expecting you to introduce yourself on Blogger’s World(did you accept invite?) but maybe you are busy 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks dear! Actually I feel it’s destiny and I never had any choice. All choice is illusory in my humble opinion, so I had no options, I have no option. It’s all divine play 🙂

      Like

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