Since it’s 14th I am officially past my birthday and safe to talk about it. There is something which makes you vulnerable on your birthday and when it’s past, you can talk freely about it. Maybe we can’t take all the adoration and pampering. I am officially into 30s club now! Bye bye 20s(**sobs**)
Google was the first one to wish me, then my younger brother, then mom, then two more friends. So, five people wished me in total. I celebrate every day, so there was nothing special. My mom asked me about my favorite sweet(imagine that, she doesn’t know that by now!) and I told her I had none. She was busy dressing up for the engagement ceremony of my cousin–while rushing away she offered me 100/- rupees note which I declined and threw away saying that it was beneath my dignity to receive such small sums and I needed a 500/- rupees note. I have not gone out in a month or so but when I do money is needed for petrol and so on. This was it for the celebration. I counted my blessings and here is a brief summary of my entire life(story woven by ego which seems like a dream or a past life-time or someone else’s account):
2015: Decided to stay here for a while till his mother allows him. WordPress blog. Blogging university courses, Blogger’s World forum and all amazing blogger friends have made his life much busy and better. Gets rid of 20 Kg weight which he had gained in the last year. Regularly practices rhythmic breathing and meditation. A mysterious girl kind of falls in love with him, she uses her resources and friends to know more about him, and eventually finds out that he is a nutter and not worth her time. Once a mystery, always a mystery!
2014: Comes back to home from pilgrimage as family members found about him and his mother was very ill and desperate. Tries to run away 4 times from home but fails every time-again mother. Keeps practicing meditation and writing on Blogger blog a bit. Gains a great deal of weight because he thinks that intense heat is because of hunger whereas it is because of liver dysfunction. Is drinking 10-15 litres of water in winters and starts tasting nectar as mystic fire burns away rudra-knot. It had burnt it in Dec 2013 but he comes to know about it only now. Many visions, dreams, spiritual experiences and transformation.
2013: After having been bedridden for 6 months on psych-meds, suicidal, thanks to the reinforcement of family members resolves to do Pranayama again and gets rid of handicap in a week as his motor functions start working again. As medicines stop and regains consciousness the fire of devotion and detachment makes him overwhelmed with an urge to take renunciation. The day before he was supposed to to join for a government job-runs away to Vrindavan(a place of pilgrimage) with just 600 rupees in his purse. Takes renunciation, does meditation and serves as much as he could.
2012: Intense devotion with meditation and experiments with marijuana lead to the full-blown kundalini awakening which wrecks his brain and makes him bed-ridden. Body-mind were certainly not trained for such an intense experience and there was no guru in the proximity. He undergoes great expansion of heart and gets great visions feeling presence of Krishna all around him. Before that -emotional trauma was much. The 6 months were difficult and spent in a sleep-like state and end was humiliating, struggle and handicapping.
2011: A scurrilous piece of prose intended to serve justice to some downtrodden students causes break-up with a friend. The friend tried to take advantage of his reputation and he was also taken advantage of. Many people suffered but he suffered the most.
2010: Blogger blog. Love affair which was one-sided ends. Working hard and witnessing corporate politics is too much.
2009: Joining after a great delay and passing those training tests by cheating as was custom. Many outings, expansion of heart and love.
2008: Passing out of an engineering college with an honors degree and a job offer in hand is not good enough as IT market is hit by recession and joinings are delayed. Embarrassment forces him to join a local small firm with a meagre salary. Gaining a lot of weight and suffering from bronchitis.
2007: Regains firm faith in the word. Great peace and burning-off of Karma. Great Samadhi experiences. Enlightenment. Apparently seeds of desires have not been burnt completely. Witnessing meditation led to word and stops reading books altogether. Scores well in exams and emerges as a topper though always tried to keep a low-profile.
2006: Meditation deepens as the job-offer is received and mind is free from worries of career. It was already a gamble as he was ready to walk away anyday. Now he focuses more on meditation.
2005: Gym and pranayama groom his personality and relieve him a bit. he had fallen in love in the second semester but he was not to blame. The girl kept taking an unusual interest in him and this platonic love which played out mostly via dreams never came to be admitted except in form of glances which were subtle.
2004: After a great torture of 6 months by parents he gets to join an engineering college. All curses have embedded deep into his psyche. He gets constant nightmares where his parents are scolding him and detachment has made him deprived of friends, fun and merriment altogether. He could have run away to take renunciation but some spiritual literature had made him convinced that ‘acceptance’ of what life offers is better than running away to jungle to meditate. The next decade or so is a complete waste from practical viewpoint and does nothing but to instill in him the faith in the divine deeper and detachment becomes more powerful. He contemplated running away from home many times during those 6 months but couldn’t muster enough courage.
2003: Grim competition tears him apart and he gives up on it for once and for all. What has his life amounted to but a set of marksheets? Fight your ass-off whole year long to wait for those numbers printed on a colorful paper-no more! Bronchitis, ulcer, anxiety and insomnia are making him thanatosioned and he questions life. He resorts to meditation and rhythmic breathing and hears the word of God for the first time inside his body and gains great calm and sensitivity and health improves soon. He has given up competition and struggling for studies and jobs for once and for all.
2002: Studies hard and reads a lot of motivational books and gains third merit in his district. Breathing practices are on.
2001: Wastes his time on experiments with techniques to study better as simple hard work in the last year brought bad results. Gets even worse results and is scolded by parents. Plays a lot of cricket even on the mornings of exams.
2000: Very hard working and disciplined student inspires many others to study and gets first rank consistently in all internal evaluations. This also makes him vain and pride and in the finals he gets 5th rank for some mysterious reasons which are not to be known ever.
1999: Getting first merit in district and second merit in divisional board exams has made him a local celebrity. The parents and family who have not seen better adore him and he is a darling for a while.
1998 to 1992: He slacks often in academic studies but is a voracious reader of spiritual books. He has good handwriting and is appreciated for his drawings and works hard as a fast bowler. Is athletic and organizes free-style wrestling fights in school and at home.
1991 to 1985: Was born in a middle class family. Mostly happy early childhood as he lives in a kind of combined family and grandparents along with uncles and aunts adore him and pamper him. Gets a box full of books in his fifth year and reads many fascinating tales. Learns about the word ‘moksha‘ and wonders what it means while reading about the meeting of Nachiketa with Yama.