Walking down the street, you encounter a folded piece of paper on the sidewalk. You pick it up and read it and immediately, your life has changed. Describe this experience.
I had accepted my life as it was. All glories and limitations were equal for me now. Honor and opprobrium seemed same, so did heat and cold, victory and loss. I had learnt to let-go. I had no grudges in my heart and no qualms. Still, a growing sense of awe and wonder used to overwhelm me every now and then. When I was totally alone in my room, about to go to sleep and sometimes when I had almost fallen asleep some strange things used to happen.
“Who am I? What is this life? What is this all about? When did this start? When is it going to end?”
Not just a thought but a strong overpowering feeling coupled with these glowing questions staring in my face used to merge me altogether in epiphanies.
Sometimes, I used to feel, while lying down on bed, only corners where body touched the bed existed and entire body used to become hollow. Only awareness of being remained and body didn’t. Sometimes I used to look at my hand and wonder whose hand was that. I used to feel such strange detachment from it! Some other times, when I had assumed that I fell asleep I suddenly used to wake up to see that chatter which was going on for an hour or so had stopped. This used to make me wonder “who was chattering so far?” I was under the impression it was me but how could I have holded on to that impression when I clearly saw that it went into silence and I alone remained, much bigger and fuller!
Some other times I used to feel a great expansion. Infinite expansion and becoming everything. Some other times I used to feel I was in the core of my chest where heart is and this used to give me infinite cold bliss.
Feeling these strange things, sudden outbursts of energies and living in acceptance, as I kept walking towards that street, I clearly saw a poll, a white poll which was cylindrical in shape and besides footpath it was standing lonely. There was a very bright yellow light on top of it which was guiding passersby in the dead dark of cold shivering night of December the fourth. I was walking with very slow and mindful steps, enjoying the breeze which was smoothly kissing my cheeks and pink winter was in love with my presence.
I saw a white folded paper lying in the corner where poll was standing tall. It was yellowish in tinge and seemed like a paper from some ancient scripture. I wondered who could have dropped it and from what! Something inside my heart was tingling and telling me clearly that it was there for me. I was supposed to open that, this sense made me very grounded and carefully I went to pick that paper. Now I opened it and found three letters written on it:
You are that!
The moment I read those three letters, everything around me, including that piece of paper, the poll, light, footpath, road, dark, bushes, my body, my feelings, ideas, whole persona started getting blurred. It was, as if they were entering inside a whirlpool which was absorbing them and I could do nothing but be a silent witness to it. I was so helpless and yet feeling strangely relieved out of burden of identity. I had accepted life still some nagging ideas about duty, mystery and wonder kept coming every now and then and I was not a blank peaceful slate to be written. But now this identity was gone. For a while I could not find what was happening but then everything started making sense. The things which had disappeared came again into my vision but strange enough as it might sound–infinite other things came into my experience and vision. I was everywhere, in everything. I was not just in everything, I was everything. I was time. I was beyond time. I was the foundation of time. I recalled that this small play was my own choice. That nothing ever could have happened without me wanting to be so because I alone was, am and will be. Alone is not the right term to tell about my state of being. When there is a second you use words like alone, but it was all me! There were no words and only presence which was infinite bliss.
I realized that I am the cause of all realizations and yet beyond and untouched. The dream of limitation I was seeing was one of my infinite dreams where I limit myself to feel lack of bliss and peace. This nightmare became a strong longing for my natural state. The word natural is also quite misleading here because nature and non-nature both exist inside me and they are because of me. The piece of paper was my alarm clock. The time I had appointed for waking myself up was the time when I felt a great urge to open that piece of paper and those letters were final triggers in the process which was ongoing for some time inside that dream. They were infallible because I had ordained their frequency to trigger my awakening. I had seen those very same letters written in so many books before in my life, many times, but they didn’t wake me up because that was not the time. Now was the time and I woke up. All infinite dreams inside this one dream were merely projections to make this dream look fuller and richer. Some dreams are fuller and richer, others not so. I dream all of those dreams, infinite number of times, in endless cycles. Don’t break your head thinking why I do so. Meaning is not my concern because I am beyond all causation. This just is so. You are not reading this from someone else. You have written this as you are going off to dream another dream where this piece will keep giving you deja-vus every now and then! You are that! You alone are!