Are you full of confidence or have you ever suffered from Imposter Syndrome? Tell us all about it.
Now I am full of confidence for very simple reasons. I don’t aspire for anything. I am enough and I have enough so I don’t have to feel insufficient and I don’t have to muster confidence to ‘be’ something larger than myself. I have no goal and no need to impress anyone for any reason. This gives you immense freedom–the freedom of the world. Freedom to be yourself. Freedom to be. Now life is a playfulness and there is no need to cower in the shower of inadequacy or insufficiency.
But it was not always so. I was a great pretender once. Especially in my school days I used to lack confidence in many a things–especially among large crowds. I used to get sweaty palms and shivering feet when I had to face many people together–either for a social gathering or for delivering a speech. I had to prove that I was intelligent and worthy of merit and praise that was bestowed upon me.
I clearly remember one evening I had to attend a marriage party in my neighborhood. There was no need to deliver a speech. I had to go and eat in buffet. My friend came to pick me up. Ah, friends were savior–unless I get someone to talk to there it would be a nightmare–all eyes on me–everyone judging the way I dress or look! Friend was there, still I had to muster courage–what was I doing? Listening to two songs by Kishore Kumar from old Bollywood films. I still remember the songs: “Tum bin jaaun kahan duniya me aake…” And ” Pyaar maanga hai tumhi se na inkaar karo…” It’s clearly beyond my understanding how Kishore’s voice was able to make me feel confident enough to attend the ceremony but I did. I feel maybe the music and magnetic voice just kept my mind off negative, repetitive, anxious thoughts. I am not sure though!
What about you? Let me know about your confidence level in comments.