The Great Pretender!

The Great Pretender

Are you full of confidence or have you ever suffered from Imposter Syndrome? Tell us all about it.

 

Now I am full of confidence for very simple reasons. I don’t aspire for anything. I am enough and I have enough so I don’t have to feel insufficient and I don’t have to muster confidence to ‘be’ something larger than myself. I have no goal and no need to impress anyone for any reason. This gives you immense freedom–the freedom of the world. Freedom to be yourself. Freedom to be. Now life is a playfulness and there is no need to cower in the shower of inadequacy or insufficiency.

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But it was not always so. I was a great pretender once. Especially in my school days I used to lack confidence in many a things–especially among large crowds. I used to get sweaty palms and shivering feet when I had to face many people together–either for a social gathering or for delivering a speech. I had to prove that I was intelligent and worthy of merit and praise that was bestowed upon me.

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I clearly remember one evening I had to attend a marriage party in my neighborhood. There was no need to deliver a speech. I had to go and eat in buffet. My friend came to pick me up. Ah, friends were savior–unless I get someone to talk to there it would be a nightmare–all eyes on me–everyone judging the way I dress or look! Friend was there, still I had to muster courage–what was I doing? Listening to two songs by Kishore Kumar from old Bollywood films. I still remember the songs: “Tum bin jaaun kahan duniya me aake…” And ” Pyaar maanga hai tumhi se na inkaar karo…” It’s clearly beyond my understanding how Kishore’s voice was able to make me feel confident enough to attend the ceremony but I did. I feel maybe the music and magnetic voice just kept my mind off negative, repetitive, anxious thoughts. I am not sure though!

What about you? Let me know about your confidence level in comments.

 

 

 

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24 thoughts on “The Great Pretender!

  1. This is a concept I am still wrestling with. I’m reading a great book right now called “Abba’s Child” by Brennan Manning, that deals with this exact issue. He calls the false self “the Imposter.” The Imposter is a defense mechanism that steps up to protect us. We hide behind money, popularity, good works, etc., whatever makes us feel worthy or valued. The book is about taking off the mask, putting the Imposter in his/her place, and finding our true identity.

    I’m not quite to the point where I can confidently and consistently rest in who I am, but I’m on my way there.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. With time I have gained confidence. It never was so easy. Lots of self doubt and fear. When I was young a friend of mind more confident than I would make speeches for me. I am far off that today after so many years of hard work. We can build our confidence. It’s worthwhile.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I feel confident in knowing that we are all unique and carry beauty in our strengths and imperfections. I also know we have different views on things and for this reason I am not guided by what others think, but instead by the motives of my heart. Lovely post, Anand!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I think I seemed to have confidence more so in high school as you said in the beginning of your post. Once you start settling down and living on your own you tend to not worry so much about what everybody else thinks and your confidence meter changes with your own personal level of happiness. #blogging101

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I have confidence in certain situations with certain people. But I’m also completely the opposite in other situations with other people. The later, sadly, includes my mom & sisters (and Dad before he passed away). I feel like a failure with them. I was laid off and have been unemployed for over a year and a half. I hated my job but can’t land one that I want (or even one I don’t want!). I was an amazing student… so smart, everyone would say. But here I am, unemployed and aimless. Feels like failure.

    With my own kids, I’m more confident. But I still have practical concerns that drag me down… (no job = no income)… I smile for them and act like everything will be fine… But I don’t always believe it.

    So even though I’m probably older than many who have commented, I’m still stuck in that pretending phase. Most days I sort of just accept that I’m never going to fully escape it. But reading this post and the responses gives me hope. xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh thank you so much for sharing your ideas into discussion. We all go through difficult phases. I am sure you will soon get good job. Stay positive and pray to God for strength. I also pray for you. You do the right thing by staying strong for your family–that is needed πŸ™‚

      Love and light ❀

      Anand πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  6. justcallmeflem

    It sounds just like me! It seems the older I get, the less I care what people think about me. I do not do big crowds but if I have too, I always bring someone with me! Great post

    Liked by 1 person

  7. It has taken me most of my life to reach the stage of just “being me” without fear of being judged or criticised – but I can so relate to this post in earlier years. That awkwardness and lack of confidence and self esteem still resonates.

    It is liberating to reach the stage I am at now – however there is still those feelings buried deep in my own self – I tend to beat them down with a big stick 😊

    Liked by 1 person

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