How to Hoodwink?

“I cannot confirm or deny that anything the following prose says,  has any connection to any matter true or false or any event that has, is, or will occur in the history of the universe. Any similarity to an event or  with an actual existing person(s) is purely coincidental.”
How do you hoodwink my lord?
Lies, lies, lies!
What do you achieve by dealing in the lies my lord?
Crookedness. More crookedness.
A Vary Ass Hub is a lean guy. Impressive voice and demeanour accompanied with something superficial in the manner. He keeps you spellbound in his presence but leaves a lurking distrust behind as he leaves the scene. Very patronizing attitude with singular passion to achieve what he wants!
A Sandal Hunk is peevish and bespectacled guy. He is quixotic and abhors undue attention.
A Vary Ass Hub and A Sandal Hunk are flatmates. They work in the same company. It is not that they get along very well but they have known each other for enough long now. A Vary Ass Hub is a flirtatious guy. He never had qualms about roaming with many girls and he always kept his girlfriend in dark. His girlfriend is studying in a college in Cafe Silk Toy. He works in Inhabit Duo If and never misses a chance to philander. He finally finds that his girlfriend has started doubting  his commitment. She tries to be coquettish for a while, to teach him a lesson in ‘tit for tat’ manner but then  she gives up; they break-up. They both feel shattered for a while but life never stops. They resume.
A Sandal Hunk on the other hand is a mawkish guy. He completed his college from the Cafe Silk Toy which happens to be the native place of A Vary Ass Hub. It is said that A Sandal Hunk did not talk to A Vary Ass Hub throughout the college. Whenever someone asked why, he replied that he found A Vary Ass Hub too patronizing and supercilious to tolerate.
It might have been comeuppance or synchronicity that A Vary Ass Hub and A Sandal Hunk,  both got job in the same company and they joined at the same place: Inhabit Duo If. It happened so that on the day of their joining A Vary Ass Hub offered coffee to A Sandal Hunk and he accepted. This became the rejuvenating event for their friendship. Now, they stay in the same flat. They have seen some lean patches and some really effervescent days together.
Scene 1:
A Vary Ass Hub: I am planning a new venture; a new company. If Zuckerberg can do it, I can do it! Though I am not trying my hands on social-networking; for I think, Zuckerberg has not left any scope for anyone else! I will instead do something in the field of education. My company will be a distinguished firm of renown with most promising coaching on latest technologies. It will be a kind of consultancy.
A Sandal Hunk: Aw that’s just great. Didn’t I say so often- that you would do great in business. You have qualities of a born businessman!
A Vary Ass Hub: I am going to patch up with company located here in a Inhabit Duo If. We are going to shoot-off with a small branch in Cafe Silk Toy and then we will open many more branches in many cities based on how we do with our first branch.
A Sandal Hunk: That’s an excellent idea. So many people will work under you! You will be the boss! Superb!
A Vary Ass Hub: You can help me!
A Sandal Hunk: How?
A Vary Ass Hub: In order to kick-start I need a bunch of students. They would be coached by our instructors and then they would be placed in various companies.
A Sandal Hunk: But, will there be any job-assurance?
A Vary Ass Hub: Definitely! This would be a 3 months crash-course, after which, we would arrange 4-5 interviews with some firms we have tied up and if they do not get selected we would place them in our partner firm. I have partnered with A Ninja Sat and Aha Jar Pinks.
A Sandal Hunk: That seems like a good proposal for fresh-graduates. If they do not get selected during campus recruitments they have to roam here and there and they struggle tooth and nail to find a job. They would instead spend 3 quality months in your facility and then they would get jobs! Let me talk to my brother, his friends might be interested as they have passed out recently from college and they need jobs.
A Vary Ass Hub: We could as well have a Skype session tonight to introduce the idea and to give prospectus to them. What say?
A Sandal Hunk: Seems like a good idea.   
A Sandal Hunk calls his brother Dual Hag Dusk and tells about this idea. Dual Hag Dusk says that his friends have gone on a vacation and once they come back he will arrange a Skype session.
[A few days later]
Dual Hag Dusk calls A Sandal Hunk and asks for a suitable time to have a Skype session. They agree on a time in night.
Scene 2:
A Sandal Hunk and A Vary Ass Hub are sitting before a laptop in Inhabit Duo If. Dual Hag Dusk and his friends Ad Hank, Beaned Err, Hair Wrap At Bit and Rename Ash Jar are sitting before another laptop in Cafe Silk Toy. They are all set for Skype video call. A Sandal Hunk sets-up a call and Dual Hag Dusk picks-up.
A Sandal Hunk: Hello everyone! Here I have A Vary Ass Hub with me. He is my flatmate and colleague.
A Vary Ass Hub: Hi Guys!
A Sandal Hunk: Dual Hag Dusk might have told you a bit about the idea. A Vary Ass Hub is starting a new company. His company will coach freshers and groom them and then they will be placed.
Ad Hank: What will be the duration of the course?
A Vary Ass Hub: It will be 3 months.
Ad Hank: Will there be any job guarantee?
A Vary Ass Hub: You can say, pretty much, a lot will depend on your performance though!
A Sandal Hunk: Anything else you want to know?
Dual Hag Dusk: It seems enough for now.
A Vary Ass Hub: You guys can note down my phone number and ask about anything you want to. Feel free to contact me anytime.
They all nod. A Sandal Hunk says bye to them and hangs-up.
After 2 days
Scene 3:
A Vary Ass Hub: Seems like you have an impeccable reputation!
A Sandal Hunk: Why, what happened now?
A Vary Ass Hub: Those friends of your brother called me up today and showed their willingness to join our classes. When I asked—“you can clear any doubt you have about anything –do you have any queries?” They said “Since A Sandal Hunk sir has given word, there are no doubts anymore”. It seemed as if your words are cornerstone of truth-tell-tale hallmark of integrity and character in their estimation.  
A Sandal Hunk: I doubt that. My question to you is: Please I beg you-pray tell me honestly—will these guys get placed after completing courses in your training center?
A Vary Ass Hub: Rest assured my friend! I am there to take care. I can assure you that they would get offer-letters in a month and half! If they do not get placed in various firms, our partner would happily take them—because they need many candidates.
A Sandal Hunk: Your exuberance is praiseworthy my friend! But pray think it properly. My brother called me and said:
 “These are poor people! They do not come from very rich families. They have somehow done their graduation and they’re in dire need of a job to be able to support their destitute families. Please ensure that they get a job. If they do not, it would be an irreparable damage for them. They are having a hard time affording this training and if something happens after three months; none else but you and me will be culpable. In spite of the fact that we are not going to make a single penny and we both are doing this only for our friends-it becomes a moral obligation. Do ensure that your friend is not feckless. What if, after three months, when these folks are done with their courses queued-up desperately for job—the partners of A Vary Ass Hub say “Since market is lean now and recession is looming on the horizon, we cannot help you; we have to do without any new recruitment?”  
A Vary Ass Hub: Don’t you have any faith on me?
A Sandal Hunk: It’s not the case. My apprehension is because of moral obligations. It’s just another business venture for your partners A Ninja Sat and Aha Jar Pinks, but think, so much is at stake for you and for me. I am not your business partner; still, it will hover on my head and will always be in a corner of my mind because I recommended your classes to these kids.
Think about yourself: It’s your first batch—if they do not get placements—what would happen to your business. More than business, isn’t it a duty of yours as well to place them because you have so confidently assured them of job?
We will not be able to walk with our chins up if we fail to get them placed.
A Vary Ass Hub: You are unnecessarily getting worried. I am there to assure that they are placed properly. They all will get a job.
Ad Hank, Hair Wrap At Bit, Beaned Err and Rename Ash Jar go to visit the coaching classes in Cafe Silk Toy. They are shown prospectus and more than that they are shown offer letters. They are given suggestion that they will get these offer letters in just 15 days!
They enrol and classes commence. They are advised to work very hard. They do work day and night. They burn midnight oil and try to complete their assignments in time. A Sandal Hunk calls them up once or twice to get feedback. They report that they are able to comprehend whatever is taught.
In spite of all his chutzpah, A Vary Ass Hub and his team in Cafe Silk Toy could persuade 3 more guys to attend his classes.
After two months:
Scene 4:        
A Sandal Hunk: Hi A Vary Ass Hub! You said that these guys would get offer-letters with-in 1.5 months of joining the classes. I do not see a buzz.
A Vary Ass Hub: Actually, their courses are yet not complete.
A Sandal Hunk: But, Ad Hank called me and told me that their course is almost complete and they have yet not found any activities which might give hopes of their getting placed anytime in near future.
A Vary Ass Hub: [Sulky and with puckered face]: A Sandal Hunk, their course is yet not complete and unless the course is complete they cannot be placed.
Scene 5
In a meeting room, A Ninja Sat, A Vary Ass Hub and Aha Jar Pinks are talking. This is their routine Saturday meeting.
A Ninja Sat: You should learn basics of business A Vary Ass Hub.
Aha Jar Pinks: We have to keep a criterion A Vary Ass Hub, we cannot just place anyone.
A Vary Ass Hub: But these kids are akin to my siblings!
Aha Jar Pinks: I will teach you 7 habits of highly crooked people. It’s not a miracle that I am so successful. I have learned secrets of trade! In this situation, I suggest, you just learn to ricochet blame.
You prepare your staff. Work with kiddas over time. Make them rot like eggs in a room 12 hours every day. Ever heard about concentration camps; brainwashing and stuff? That’s what we do when we have to put blame on others!
Give them quizzes. Call them at midnight. Play Hitler if you want to be safe. You have already done mock interviews –say that these were REAL interviews. Get rid of these kiddas.
Get new kiddas and do business pal. Do not be sentimental.
A Vary Ass Hub: But I assured them of getting placed?
A Ninja Sat:  Put blame on them. There is a threshold for everything. If you make them feel guilty of their underperformance, over and again, they will start believing that this is their fate to rot like rats in a room day and night.
Give them silly projects and tell them that they are not up to the mark when it comes to their communication skills.
I will interview them and I will tell them that they are getting rejected every time because their accent is below par!
Make them think that getting recruited is a Sisyphus task. It’s hardest thing in life. Make them think that they are not destined for a job and they will quit.
Have you ever played chess? How do you get rid of opponent? By planning properly and you topple enemy by removing support with careful planning.
Look at foibles of kiddas. They aren’t as smart as you are. Make their shortcomings their nemesis. Soon they will start getting nightmares. They will start running helter-skelter for a petty job but will not point any finger towards you because they will be having abundant guilt inside them.
A Vary Ass Hub: What about my promises to A Sandal Hunk?
Aha Jar Pinks: Aw, come-on; talk like a businessman! Who keeps promises? Has he kept all the promises?
A Vary Ass Hub: I suppose not.
Aha Jar Pinks: Still, kick him in butt if he raises his voice. This is just a beginning. We will make you master bamboozler! We have learned to hoodwink after a great effort but we are giving you these tips for free because we are getting bored. Moreover you have promised of giving us many more customers. We have to open many branches. We have to amass wealth and power!
A Vary Ass Hub: Well, one of them got mucus in his lungs and hence he had to take off a month. We would declare him unfit for any interviews. One of them was found looking at a voluptuous half-clad girl in classroom while he was looking at the status updates of his Facebook friends. Firstly surfing is strictly prohibited in our classrooms; secondly pornography is a heinous crime. We will declare him incapable for any further assistance from us. Two down! It really works; Aha! Let me think through strategy to topple the other two! Yes, I have a can-do attitude now. Kudos to you stalwarts! That’s why you’re maestros of the game!
Scene 6
Dual Hag Dusk calls A Sandal Hunk
Dual Hag Dusk: Hello!
A Sandal Hunk: Hi!
Dual Hag Dusk: We have been hornswoggled dear! A Vary Ass Hub and co. has swindled you and me. They have no schedules in their coaching. Quizzes come out of blue. Classes are hopeless, tortuous and similar to concentration camps. There is distrust floating on the air. Whenever my friends ask their instructors and man in charge about their placements; they just chuckle and say that they do not know anything!
A Sandal Hunk: My goodness!
Dual Hag Dusk: He just placed his cousin in his partner firm. Had the scheme been a complete failure, there wouldn’t have been any placements at all. He has placed his cousin after a phony interview, saying that other candidates are not up to the mark when it comes to communication skills. His cousin has been called to Inhabit Duo If and I suppose he is staying with you guys at your flat!
A Sandal Hunk: [To himself: How do you hoodwink my lord? Lies, lies, lies!]: But that guy doesn’t know difference between ‘inter’ and ‘intra’! How could he be more qualified than others when it comes to communication skills?
Dual Hag Dusk: A Vary Ass Hub has taken advantage of you. He wanted customers for his shop and beguiled me, you and my friends by making phony claims of 100% placement. You trusted him and he stabbed you.
A Sandal Hunk: This guy is an inveterate liar. An Ananias! His patronizing attitude is apparently intolerable but now he has done some irreparable damage. Why it seems like a nightmare?
Dual Hag Dusk: Those who do not have integrity play games. You had put your trust in him and he has cheated you. Such guys should be horsewhipped publicly. No matter how powerful they think they are, they suffer!
A Sandal Hunk: Indeed, I have seen him shattered. He was all tears in March and April. I not only gave him a shoulder to cry but also assured him that this is a temporary phase and it will be over very soon. I made him feel that he is really capable and he will get much professional success—but see—fate!
Within 6 months he has created suffering for himself again! (And I have created it for myself!)
Dual Hag Dusk: My friends are working so hard that they might have gotten selected in NASA with this much of effort. I mean, look at other consultancies; they do not take your money in advance and place you based on the contract that you would give them your first month salary. 
These grifters have taken as much money and now they are reluctant to place these kids in a petty company. 
  Neither me, nor you have earned a single penny out of it. We never imagined that it would turn out to be like this. Do you remember when I warned you that these guys might come up with pretexts about market situations and all?
A Sandal Hunk: It’s horrid. I distinctly remember your words. That’s why they say that only Buddha can suggest proper course of actions. I never imagined playing a villain for these poor kids. My intentions were good but consequences are so deleterious for all of us. That is why they say that you cannot tell what is right and wrong unless you have omniscient Buddha mind. Inaction is better than such action! Ah these poor kids. Only if I could have been able to afford; I would have refunded all their money. But what about their effort, what about the time they have lost, what about the pieces of shattered dreams which are pinching them hard in their dreams?
Dual Hag Dusk: This guy could not get students of his first batch placed. What business he is up to? He got just 7 enrolments and 4 of them joined because you had recommended and they had such a faith in you. One of the enrolments was that of his cousin’s and only that guy got recruited.
A Sandal Hunk: I so vividly remember. When this guy was crying his heart out; he asked me “I have not done anything bad to anyone; why am I suffering”. I told him a few things about Karma. But now I clearly understand that it’s not easy to understand your intentions. Those who hoodwink are in a kind of slumber; they cannot see what wrong they do and this becomes the cause of their suffering. What goes around comes around like a boomerang.
A Sandal Hunk: A dissembler. Even if he did not foresee this and he has been a scapegoat of his business partners, he should come out with courage now and take responsibility.
My God! Even if such guys recruit these kids; based on the charges that they are underperformers; they will fire them shortly. What will these poor kids do then? Better do not have any hopes with these rogues.
They both sigh!
image courtesy: wikimedia commons

17 thoughts on “How to Hoodwink?

  1. Just popped back to find the post where I commented and asked question about hotlinking – don’t know why I didn’t just google it earlier but I found out the answer and learnt something important 🙂 just can’t find that post with my question on now!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Until I got to comments hadn’t noticed it was a reblogging. Looks a great piece of writing, just bookmarked for a reading session later – some very interesting words used but I’ll need a dictionary to hand while reading to underststand some of it…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, it was supposed to create those feelings for injustice. Thanks for reading it my friend 🙂
      Please feel free to visit our new community if you want to. It’s a good place to stay in touch 🙂


      Liked by 1 person

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